Sharon's Story

On November 14, 1993, I was at a breaking point. I looked around at my life and all I could see was pain and misery in my family and myself. My baby daughter was in the early stages of rebellion, my oldest daughter was separated from her husband, I wasn't teaching a Sunday School class in church (which is something I love to do), I wasn't recognized as "good enough" to be a soloist in my church, my relationship with my sister Carolyn was in shambles, and life in general was horrible. I gave up. I allowed Satan's lies to override the truth of God's love for me.

I overdosed with a fatal amount of an anti-depressant, but God had another plan. He allowed me a second chance. While in the hospital He got my attention through the words of a wonderful song: "God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind. So, when you don't understand, when you can't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand - trust His heart." (written by Babbie Mason) Well, looking back, that was my bottom line problem - I didn't trust God.

When I left the hospital I had every intention in this world to get in touch with the heart of God. However, I got off track. Then, on March 1, my sister's life ended when a gun was placed in her mouth. Her death was ruled a suicide. God had my attention.

As I began to dig into the Word of God, I realized I didn't really know much about Him, other than what little I knew about Jesus. God led me to the book of Isaiah. Now, undertand, I thought the Old Testament was just that - old - not necessary. However, I learned different!

One of the first passages God used to get my attention was Isaiah 1:6, the New International Version, "From the sole of your foot to the top of your head there is no soundness--only wounds and welts and open sores, not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with oil." My reaction was crazy for someone who was up at 2:30 am - alone! I screamed out at God, blaming Him for all of my problems; the sexual abuse as a child, my parents' divorce, and being raped as a teenager. He simply responded with another passage in Isaiah 1:16c, "Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow."

I remember thinking to myself, "Okay, fine, so who are these people I am supposed to help?" Well, I found that these people are people the church doesn't understand. From that night until now, God has opened His Word to me and allowed me to see a glimpse of His heart.

God is saying to you today, through His words in Isaiah 1:18-20, "Come now, let us argue this out," says the Lord. "No matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can remove it. I can make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you as white as wool. If you will only obey me and let me help you, then you will have plenty to eat. But if you keep turning away and refusing to listen, you will be destroyed by your enemies. I, the Lord, have spoken!"

No matter what you have done, no matter what your sin is, no matter what circumstances you may be in at this very moment - God hungers for a full relationship with you. He wants you to trust Him with every ounce of who you are. Now, I recognize how hard that is. It took me twenty-two years to reach the point where I can honestly trust Him. God walked me through some steps in order to know Him The Trust Steps; to know His heart and trust Him, but before we can trust Him, we have to know Him. In Job 36:26-33, God's Word says,"God is so great that we cannot begin to know him. No one can begin to understand eternity. . .We feel his presence in the thunder. Even the cattle know when a storm is coming." Like many of you, and like me, Job knew hard times. He lost everything he owned, including his children, and on top of that he was left to face an accusing wife and friends who didn't understand. Been there?The only scripture I found in God's Word on suicide is:

"Later Jesus said to them again, "I am going away. You will search for me and die in your sin. You cannot come where I am going." The Jewish leaders asked, "Is he planning to commit suicide? What does he mean, 'You cannot come where I am going'?" Then he said to them, "You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not. That is why I said that you will die in your sins; for unless you believe that I am who I say I am, you will die in your sins." "Tell us who you are," they demanded.

So Jesus said, "When you have lifted up the Son of Man on the cross, then you will realize that I am he and that I do nothing on my own, but I speak what the Father taught me. And the one who sent me is with me. he has not deserted me. For I always do those things that are pleasing to him." Then many who heard him say these things believed in him."

In His flesh Jesus had every reason to commit suicide, but He knew the Father's plan for His life, He knew He was the Father's Son, and He wanted to please Him. All of these things can be true in your life as well. You can know the Father's plan for your life, You can know that you are the Father's child, and you can have a desire to please Him. I know it is hard, but heaven is worth the wait.

If you need help, if you need a friend, please contact us. We want to be there for you and we will connect you with a friend who will be your friend, in the flesh, until you can stand on your own with Him with full confidence that you have a reason to live. I did and I can tell you - God is good - all the time!

Sharon's story