As the deer pants for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I come and stand before him? Day and night, I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me saying, “Where is this God of yours?” My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshipers, leading a great procession to the house of God, singing for joy and giving thanks—it was the sound of a great celebration! Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember your kindness—from Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan, from the land of Mount Mizar. I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surging tides sweep over me. Through each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life. “O God my rock,” I cry “Why have you forsaken me? Why must I wander in darkness, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts pierce me like a fatal wound. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?” Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!
While reading this Psalm one day, I realized that the author of this chapter knew what it meant to be depressed. At one time I’d been diagnosed by my doctor as being what they called clinically depressed. I’d gone through a hysterectomy and the hormonal change in my body caught me by surprise. He put me on an anti-depressant but it seemed to make me crazier so I just quit taking it.
I took several different recommended herbal remedies which seemed to help, but that was only treating a symptom. I began to pray and ask the Lord to help me and He took me to this Psalm.
I was captivated with what the Lord began to show me about myself through this Psalm. Verse 1 said to me that someone who is thirsty longs for the water. In my depression I’d had trouble reading the Word and I realized my strength had gone from me. I had dried up.
Jesus said that out of us would flow rivers of living water, but my flow had been cut off. I was no longer really interested in coming before the Lord and experiencing the Living God. Day and night instead of feasting on the word of God to sustain me I wept in my self pity. I’d begun to look for other things to satisfy my longing for comfort. And with this, my faith in God was tested, I’d given my enemies the right to taunt me.
I found myself wondering where God was in all of this, if God loved me why would He allow me to go through a time such as this. I could remember the days when I couldn’t wait to get to church and fellowship with my brothers and sisters in the Lord. The songs I sang at church became just that songs, they were not from my heart to the Lord's. I became more concerned about whether or not someone would compliment me on my singing. Ha Ha, as soon as I started feeling that way the compliments stopped coming, why? The anointing was gone.
I no longer sought the Lord to anoint me, I had become so inward that I no longer cared if the songs would touch the hearts of other. It had become Me, Me, Me. But don’t let anyone tell me I had problems - especially my husband. Anything he said to me could be used against me. I had built up a pile of hate mail ready to send to him. On top of the pile tho was my failures staring me in the face. I had lost my hope. Proverbs 13:12 says that "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy." Hope delayed or lost sight of causes one to die inside slowly.
I had begun to think that my life was worthless. But I found out that I didn’t have to put my hope in my abilities or rate my life by my failures but that as a child of God my life was hidden by the blood of Jesus. As the Lord ministered to me this truth, I came out of hopelessness to victory!
Verse 10 in the King James says: "As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?" What the Lord showed me here is that bones, or the skeletal structure, represent the supports of a structure. If my body had only skin to cover the muscles I would just be a pile of skin, muscle and guts. (lol) With the bones my body is able to stand up, the muscles use the bones as support in order to function. Without the bones they are useless. They have nothing to cling to in order to pull or push.
In comparison in my spiritual life, bones represent the Spirit of God dwelling in me. If bones are broken or weakened, although I may have gathered in my mind all kinds of wisdom and knowledge, if I don’t put my hope in God, clinging to Him as my support in order to fight my spiritual battles (for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers and ruler of the darkness of this world), I have no strength nor power with which to do battle. All of my abilities are useless. (For its not by might nor by power but by my Spirit says the Lord).
The enemy seeing the loss of strength, or the downcast look heap the condemning remarks of "where is your God? And even tho the Lord is watching over me day and night longing to be “The God” of my salvation, He won’t force His will on my life. But it is as I trust in Him and cling to Him that hope rises up. As we praise Him and give thanks that He can turn our sorrow into joy, the dreams and visions given to us by the Spirit of God become a reality
Father, I pray for those who are in despair, I pray Lord God that they will put their hope in You, in Your strength and ability. That your Spirit will rise up in them. And they will yet praise You.
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Hope you were encouraged.